i Pray

I pray..
I pray that you never have to look at your babies and worry that you might lose them someday..
I pray that you never have to face what I do on a daily basis...

I pray that no one ever turns talks ill of you to your family and in turn have your family talk ill of you...
I pray that when you struggle every day that when you need some compassion, you are not confronted with someone who is only worried how it effects them, even when what is happening is completely out of your control...
I pray that if that ever happens to you, you have someone who will listen...
I pray that no one ever talks about you to neighbors and tells your secrets..
I pray that no one ever tries and succeeds at turning your family against you... 

I pray that if you ever tell someone of your struggles, they will not turn them around to hurt you...

I pray that you never have to sit and cry because someone you thought was your family has turned on you and also brought the rest of the family with them...

Most of all I pray you stop....

i am not perfect.

i never once claimed to be. I’m not a perfect mom or not even a perfect human being…we are all faulty.

that is how we are made.

but we are also taught and it’s gods greatest hope that in times when we feel our worst or the enemy is attacking our spirit, it’s THEN when we’re to lean on god and really focus on Him..and to not let the enemy determine our paths born out of lies.

I’m so broken that you let him win.

you chose to let him get between you and me.

our family.

the words you are speaking against me to almost complete strangers and family are tragic, and hurtful. but my heart deep down believes that you know just as well as i do that you’re hurt. deeply hurt. and never gave me the chance to go in and try to fix it. you chose the easy way out…to walk away, claiming to not care, to heap coals on my head and slander mine and my husbands name to anyone who will listen. 

i’m devastated by your actions and harsh words

i pray you will stop.

i pray your heart will soften.. 

i pray for peace in your soul and your home and in the lives of your children. 

i pray for your circumstances whatever they may be. 

i pray for you.

because i love you.

and while i wish i could close my heart sometimes when it’s been crushed over and over again i simply cannot.

so i pray for you.

for me.

for us.

for this horrible circumstance.

my head will never come out of this “fog” this is my life, and you can’t imagine the pain nor the burden i bare.

you of all people know my story.

you know of our struggles.

But you continued on this path that has broken up our families and left nothing but pain behind.

So..as I have in the past and I will continue in the future..I pray...because that is the only way I know to get through the pain I am going through. 

*thank you Sarah, I have "borrowed" some of your thoughts. It seems as though we are on the same path right now**